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Illusion and the sworded pen

I wrote this poem after being blind-sided by a “friend” who cut me out of her life after creating a deep friendship. She then plastered her side of the story publicly all over social media and amongst our friends. I responded privately through this poem. It gave me the freedom to unload & express just for myself. I share it now that you may also release any injustice or hurt, perhaps you were never given the chance to clear the air or say your bit.

It’s never too late and it’s ALWAYS just for you.

Illusion and the sworded pen

Oh the pain…Oh the pain…

My hear breaks with the pain

This one I called a friend,

The beautiful strong amazing being

that I see before me

Who comes to me and shares herself

She tells me that she’s got it made…

The things she’s done, the ones she’s met

A plethora of past I bet!

But what of now,

this moment is

the only place where power lives

the past is gone

of no regret

to move on now we have to get

the courage and the vision

to see beyond the veil of fear

the mind makes up

all types of tricks

to stop us dead

and feed the fish

no fish you say,

well that is weird

for all good people

have them here!!

My goodness me

my don’t you see

that this is just the

Mist and mirrors view.

The truth lies deep

and search we must

to look amongst the bull and dust

To never fear

is now the aim

because we’re coming

whole again.

Illusions shattered,

just gone to dust

The fairy king that helps we trust?

But now I say

Please don’t blame me

If all around you seems to be

Waaay beyond your courtesy.

To blame and wail

just brings disgust

as others see and know your bluff

The thing that’s worst

is that we know

it is your journey…

All of it…you know?

When I stop to take my lastest breath

I want to know I did my best

I did not sleep

or kid myself

that this little bit was good enough

The aim of life is not to avoid

the pain

but to just go

right through the same

to use your mind and be the boss

To rule the roost

But not with force

The bulldozer, the sworded pen

Just simply take your time away.

True power lies when what we choose..

With knowing that we really chose

Your life is yours,

There’s no mistake,

No others woes to own or take

You either choose to own it all

or simply play to keep you small.

The playground of illusion fills

with those who fear to pass the gate

of being all of what it takes.

You’re always loved and truly safe

You’re part of god

You’re what it takes!

To truly live a life of grace,

please take a breath

Please stop and know

if you own it,

the tables turn,

the power flows

Yes even though the ego knows

And tries to suck you back again.

To keep you small

to stop you from ever feeling hurt again!

It’s not the way… it never was

Just think back and see the pain

this way has brought you back from when…

You want to change the world you say

When we all know it’s a power play

The world you want does not exist

but in your dreams

where it just taunts you till you scream..

“you did this to me”

and victimize yourself

within the cage of fear and loss

Your freedom lies so far away

Until you know you really don’t

And when you do

it’s just so clear

that all the time the door was there,

to freedom dear, the one you want

but fear so much beside the want

You sit in quandary getting angry

with yourself

And feeling worse you just must vent

The ones you love, the ones who stay

Are once again be-sprayed with gunk

The vitriol and uber junk

The words that flow are of the sword

as you express your murky doubts,

the pain just simply takes a break,

the words a temporary glimpse of respite.

The shadows sucked right in again.

To break the cycle takes great strength

The courage to not see events

But stop, no go!

Go to that place

Go through the pain

For it dissolves on impact with

an open heart of ownership

of all you are,

not only this delightful star.

“I Am” you say and then you trust

The love flicks fear right into dust

It takes some guts to own your life

But then of course

You now it’s nice

to slip right back into la la land

for a moment there I thought you had!

Ha ha I thought the note you sent

Out to the world was really meant!

I got real mad, you know I can

I scream and shout

and then I write a thousand letters back

To repudiate the claims,

To set it right and take it back

The pain I feel at your betrayal

The friend I love

The powerful spirit soul of being

Slips to dust before my eyes

as words in haste destroy and void

The awesomeness and possibility

It bursts right there and crack and bucks.

I need a friend who knows its safe,

one I can trust

Consistent with all that I know

to walk a while and share the load

Share the love and share the joy

To see the gifts not just destroy.

And if I own the pain of those words,

I just may find a buried sword

From other times of mighty words

Where I was stuck between these worlds

I have a choice,

To stop and cry

To sing myself a lullaby

I know my truth

Don’t need to share it

Just express the wisdom in it

Turn the power from the pain and simply gather up again

My weakest link

My eyes of sore,

My heart rebuilt this way…I swore

Before this day light dims again

that I am always whole again

My body healed and always strong

My mind made up of where I belong

As I move forth to grace and courage

To do my life as I encourage

All of me to walk the talk

to gift myself with endless freedom

Love and power in my life.

I am the grace

I am the one

who truly owns

what I’ve become!

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