It may feel like Mercury retrograde, the full moon or someone else is making this problem happen but when you know how and what creates your life, you can start making the changes you need to feel safe, loved and supported in life.
Well I got a big lesson this week and this is what led to letting myself be supported.
Friday I felt forced back into old patterns of over caring, over mothering with the return of my 22 year old son after 9 months away. In that time, my daughter and I had moved through a growing up. We both shifted into new phases. Mine was out of “mother” and into the freedom I foresaw to run my business healing & teaching others how to self care. I stopped worrying what She’d have for lunch and if she needed my help with things. It was a 2 or 3 month journey from the awareness to feeling I had a handle on it. It felt good until…
My son knew nothing of this and stepped back into our home with the same old outlook.
So this is how it played out….
Day 2 after his arrival. My resistance to being pushed back into old patterns created the first disharmony. Then I made it worse by trying harder. THEN my daughter came home with gripes (she was affected by the same dynamics) and I fell into another trap… the “my day was worse than yours” drama!
You’re probably laughing at me by now
But wait…it actually got worse. My husband came home from a REALLY BAD DAY and offloaded to me.(all good and normal) Then when I felt it was my turn to share (which I badly needed), he stopped me and went into a, “I know how to fix this” speech, talking right over me and dictating ways to put all of this right.
Looking back (the best way to learn from stuff in my opinion) I saw how I knew early on that I was not helping but continued to play it out. When thinking doesn’t work, I usually take time to sit and wonder what it’s about. To allow the awareness to come. Apparently I had chosen this full blown episode to ultimately recognise a very old pattern or agreement where I am there for everyone but have accepted no one being there for me.
Why? Who knows and it’s usually not important.
What really matters is what I CHOOSE NOW.
How do I move forward, because knowing and still repeating the pattern is where the real disharmony plays out. The real problems start. So I made a conscious choice to allow myself to be seen, heard and supported by people in my life.
The change came almost immediately
The very next day I was running late for an appointment and the whole family asked what I needed and how they could help. I would probably have said no in the past, thinking something like “oh it will take longer to explain”, even if they had asked. This time I said yes. And it worked BEAUTIFULLY. I felt loved & supported, it brings tears to my eyes to think about. All the hours I lovingly was of service to others but felt forgotten when I needed help. Here they were fetching and carrying FOR ME!
And having been through all of that, I honestly can never blame Mercury, the Moon or my family for any of those experiences. As a conscious person, I must take ownership of myself and that somehow I create ALL of my experiences. I may also take the time to discover why and how in the process if I want things to get better.
Now I’m not saying that I changed a lifetime pattern of behaviour in one day, but I certainly changed things and life is a great big adventure anyway….