Your happiness depends on how closely your current reality matches up to your ideal reality. The closer they are the happier you are.
Everyone is constantly trying to create their ideal reality so that they can be happy.
We choose patterns of thoughts and behaviours to get our needs met in creating our ideal reality. Not all of them are successful and I want to look at 4 ways that may be in this category.
It all started with a friend… It seems every time I see this person they were crying and upset about a similar thing. (Different story, same theme: resulting in unhappiness.) It got me wondering what pattern was supporting this. How they were trying to meet their needs and why were they seemingly missing the spot?
I saw several layers:
Waiting for the world to change
Thinking that if the outer world changed, things would be different, if THEY were nicer or IT changed, they would be happier. The world around us simply reflects the energy we have chosen, consciously or not. It’s like moving the deck chairs when no one is steering the ship. So go grab that wheel!
I’m a good person
Connected to the good girl/boy thing, this patterning needs to convince everyone, including themselves that they are on the RIGHT side of appropriate. Never involves seeing the other side because of the risks in losing the created identity of self as good.
Automatically makes the other person/choice/thing wrong or bad so that they can feel good. Bagging out friends or partners, work colleagues, their bosses and even public identities can become a kind of sport for these folks.
Who loves me?
This is about safety. If you love or like me, you won’t hurt me. In an effort to feel loved, they create “team ME” whoever has the biggest team not only wins, but also should feel most loved, accepted and SAFE. Remind you of school when the group accepted you or not? Well this is the same though the group may never meet. This person may spend ages on the phone; Facebook etc communicating with their “team” in order to build an illusion of acceptance and safety.
The victim energy or aspect may seem similar to the above pattern but it requires more than acknowledgement, it needs other peoples energy as sympathy. “ there, there, feeling better now?” kind of stuff and I saw no shortage of givers of this sympathy energy once the tears started as no-one wanted to be seen as cold & heartless, so we all “gave” to varying degrees. The victim can manipulate their world through tapping into others sympathy or escalate things to guilt or even shame if the game is not played according to their needs.
You may easily recognise these patterns in others but the truth is, we all fall into them to varying degrees and it takes diligence and self awareness to recognise them in ourselves.
Behind all these patterns is a lack of self love, self acceptance, and self awareness. To be truly free and in control of our own lives, comfortable, happy and confident of ourselves and the world we live in we need to engage awareness, know what our needs are and how to meet them. Otherwise your happiness will always be a hit and miss affair. Always at the mercy of outside influences and locked into a cycle of dependency.
Begin tomorrow like a new friendship, meeting yourself with openness, respect and curiosity. Notice things about yourself and ways you might make yourself happy. Just as you would a friend. Begin that journey into self care and love… after all YOU are the one you wake up with every morning. YOU are the one who will never leave you. You are the one who can meet all of your needs and desires… when you know and love yourself.